17 weeks & happiness to despair...

I am 17 weeks. The little fella is the size of a small pomegranate (or a large apple if you compare sites;-)...He is finally porking up, gaining baby fat and his bones are hardening. We are weeks away from viability but I feel his precious movements usually daily. Still no sure signs for the sex...but it really doesn't matter.

I was finally feeling less emotional, having a better appetite, and had come to terms with my insulin dependent GDM.

Yesterday was a day full of happiness...I Christmas shopped for nieces and nephews and stocking stuffers galore for our precious boys. I was really into the Christmas spirit and even loaded up for my secret Santa at work. It was such a nice day. It ended with Jacob having his Christmas program...but sadly, though I remembered the camera, the battery was dead;-(. He was so cute though and you really could hear him over other kids singing in his precious voice. I got to watch my favorite Thursday night shows and got almost all the Christmas letters ready to mail.

Then the despair hit...sounds a bit dramatic but I haven't come to terms with it yet...in fact, I in serious denial. I didn't sleep well. I was up by 4am and finally gave up and got out of bed at 7:30am. I did my usual and weighed myself...up 4 pounds in 1 day-uh, oh. My rings are tight and won't come off...red flag. To the dreaded blood pressure machine...146/90 something...ugh. Oh no...

So I waited until 8am to call my MD...who unfortunately was not on. Luckily, his nurse who knows my history answered the phone and communicated my concerns to him via phone. He asked for me to come in and have labs drawn...oh, and call off the weekend. Ha, ha...yea right, I work the next 4...no way.

So, I waited and wondered and worried. I called no one and told no one. I had no intention of calling off. I'm not done working yet...I'm just not. And for that matter, how could I possibly lay around all weekend? Loads of laundry, dishes, fighting kids....work is way less stressful-seriously.

Anyway, I headed to work and thought it was weird that my MD's nurse never called me with my lab results but I knew everything looked ok otherwise so I went to work hoping to take it easy and not see my MD.

Busted...no not by him, but as I was done with report at 6:15pm they said I had a call. It was the good ole nurse. She said my labs were fine but that the doctor really does want me off work. I explained my case to her and frankly at only 17 weeks, I may go crazy if I am put on house arrest-until I get orders for strict bedrest and am told to go on short term disability I am not doing it. So she agreed and told me to see my MD early next week. Which is when he will be mad at me for not listening to him.

In the meantime I am mentally preparing for a long, sad winter. I truly know in my head that if my B/P stinks (which it's been much better here at work and I can get my rings off again;-) bedrest and no more work is the best thing for me and the baby but in my heart I am dead set against it. I'm just not ready yet...I am praying the Lord heals me and gets me through the Holidays...please just the Holidays...

So, then Tim called and inquires what the nurse wanted...oops, busted again. So, I spill my guts to him and he was his usual sweet understanding self and asked what he can do. He actually agreed with my sick rationale about staying at work and we're hoping the MD lets me try some meds before slapping me with the bedrest sentence.

Above all...I still haven't has my official Ultrasound yet and am nervous about what they will find...I'm praying to be blessed with a healthy baby. The sad realization though is if I have to start bedrest soon, I will likely deliver preterm again...I really don't want that for my baby just because my body isn't the best incubator...it stinks. Enough pouring out my whiny heart for now.

Please pray for us all;-)