Ughhhh...

I don't even have the energy to post a Bible verse this time...how pathetic. I'm down because Owen hasn't been discharged for no good reason. Tim and I took monitor training today and infant CPR-no, it didn't matter that I resuscitate babies during deliveries or that I am certified in both health care CPR and Neonatal resuscitation...are you detecting bitterness here?

Anyway, now I have to head into the hospital tonight when Tim gets home. I have to stay overnight and "prove" that I can feed Owen every three hours-I have to bring an alarm-can I just say "ughhhhhhh" again. Please don't get me wrong-I am ecstatic to have him but who in their right mind would be looking forward to every three hour feedings (that take almost an hour of painstaking effort) around the clock? Not to mention the fact that we'll be homebound thru the winter...I know, I know-be grateful that I have a baby to hold and whine about.

I am. REALLY...I AM! I'm just tired and stressed. This has been a long 4 months and it's going to be an even longer 18 years:-)

Owen is doing well. He's up to 3 pounds 12 oz. He passed his hearing and eye exams. He is going home on a very obnoxious apnea monitor. May I paint the picture for you? It's a box that looks a bit like a small DVD player but it is to be carried in a pouch 3 times it's size with a gazzillion extra supplies. It's about 3 times heavier than Owen too. He'll be connected with leads to the machine and it will monitor his breathing and heart rate. If the leads or connections get disturbed, it sounds in a constant horrific beep, much like a smoke alarm. Seriously.

It's made so you can hear it anywhere in the house. I want to make mention that the neighbors will also know when it alarms. Worst thing? If he does have a true "alarm" it won't stop the insane beeping until the alarm reason is corrected-as in his breathing gets regular again or his heart rate levels rises if it's low or hmmm.... decreases if it was high? I'm thinking the annoying beeping will raise my heart rate so why will his get back to normal? Worse yet? You can't even unplug it-it has a battery back-up...there's no escape.

Ok, so maybe you're taking my rantings as complaining and the like...yea-it may be a little but I tried to mix sarcasm and humor in too.

I am truly very thankful to have a baby who needs a monitor or 45 minute feedings to complain about. Entering into the world of no sleep for the next who knows how many months just wears on a person. I am quite stressed and emotional still...they say that should end about 2 weeks after the delivery. I have 2 questions. Define "end" and who is 'they'?

Owen is still extremely small and susceptible to- well, everything. Please pray for his continued growth, health, and improvement. Also please pray for grace for his crazy mother and for the rest of the family as they deal with his crazy mother. Next time I'm sure the tone will change yet again as the hormones turn;-)