Saturday, September 27, 2008

The scoop on finding out...

DISCLAIMER: if you haven't read the Happy B-day Jake post, please read it first;-)

I don't know if this story will be all that entertaining but I will do my best to ad lib for "good story telling" virtue.

So, we went on a cruise...I did everything as anyone normally would on a cruise with the exception of drink alcohol (I just don't care for the stuff and I'm way too CHEAP!;-).

It was a fun time and I felt pretty much like my "normal-ha, ha" self.

Let me back up for a moment, right before we left (Sept. 4th) for the cruise I started "spotting" and called my sisters to joke from the movie The Breakfast Club (the 80's man) that I got my monthly bill early and thought how crappy a time for me to actually be early!!! So, I lugged all that "crap" along and never started but the light spotting was truly assumed to have been my "period"-I know this is oh so TMI and I'm *kinda* sorry.

Meanwhile back at the camp...

Once home, a Friday September 12th, I proceed to head back to work after my 4 day sabbatical. Once at work, I felt "off". I felt very much out of the loop and all of a sudden very sensitive and teary. I *COULD NOT* keep it together. I went to my boss and left CRYING (what a dork!). I zoomed home and was sobbing on the couch thinking "what is wrong with me"? And something inside of me decided to go place my dilute pee on a pregnancy test...2 seconds later I had a plus sign. I spent that afternoon (back at work) in la-la daydream world of the what if's and how the heck far along am I?

Why wouldn't I know that? Here's TMI:

Side note-I'm about to display my menstrual cycle history for sake of a profound least to me:

Cycle journal (I promise I am going somewhere with this):

Owen's Birth November 2006

Cycle 1 August 2007
Cycle 2 December 31st 2007
Cycle 3 April 28, 2008
Cycle 4 June 5th-a "normal" cycle
Cycle 5 July 4th, another cycle-though somewhat light
Cycle 6 08.08.08 another light cycle...this for me is UNHEARD of (a cycle 4 months in a row!!!) as we have struggled with infertility including PCOS, rare and irregular periods, annovulatory cycles, etc for 10 years!!!!

Screeeechhhhh...put those breaks on. I can't even call my fab MD because my benefits don't take into effect until October 2nd and if I get "diagnosed" officially through a medical test now, I would not be covered for maternity leave, etc (FMLA would be fine, just no moola;-). So, I got home that evening to Tim waiting on me and I told him right away and said for him to not say a word to anyone.

I'm a bit of a pregnancy freak so to speak. Having had infertility, 1st trimester spotting, a blighted ovum, and 2 preterm deliveries (not to mention the mess with the whole Owen saga;-). Ok so that wasn't really a complete sentence but, whatever.

Well, I found myself unable to *survive* so I had a pal sneak a peek with an ultrasound yesterday (9-26-08) and to my complete and utter joy, we saw a beautiful sac with a placenta and baby with a flickering heart beat and I even got to hear the little swishing sound! Pure joy! So, I called Tim asap and said we could tell people, so we began letting our boys spread the news. They are pretty excited and we are hoping our trend continues. They know (as much as they can) to pray for this journey we are embarking upon.

I know lots of people wait to tell, but I'm of the belief that once I know, I'm bursting at the seams to share it, plus, if an undesirable outcome results, we'll need lots of prayer and I'd rather ask for your prayers now and then if the bad stuff happens you'll know why we're so upset.

I'm also of the attitude that I have a living being growing inside of me and every second I fall more in love with the idea of being a mommy to 4...don't get me wrong-I'm terrified for the what if's...

Here's a few:

What if things don't continue to develop?
What if the baby has anomalies?
What if this is a girl-ugh-so scary!!!
What if I get sick again?
What if I deliver early again?
What will people think about our over-populating the world?
What will we do with 4 kids (kinda funny;-)?
What if I don't have enough love for a 4th child (really dumb!)?

And so on and so forth...a lot of irrational and selfish thoughts. A lot of "apparently I don't believe God is in control" thoughts. Just FYI, I really do BELIEVE with all my heart God IS in control and His will WILL be done...I'm praying for the best outcome but my ways are not His ways and His idea of a best outcome may not parallel with mine. But, I sure hope it does and I sure hope the Lord continues to bless us.

A few more valid concerns:

Previous PROM (premature rupture of membranes): apparently this occurrence is not necessarily associated with future PROM outcomes-good news.

Previous gallbladder issues: the good news, while I've had issues, my gallbladder is now gone;-) I do still have a small risk of some yucky associated issues but I'm not worrying about this small chance.

Previous PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension): This usually occurs in women less than 20, over 40, with multiple gestation's (twins etc), with a different partner, known anomalies, or in 1st pregnancies. Owen obviously had none of these things, nor did I, yet I still "won" this lottery pregnancy number 3 with a near unheard of PIH beginning at 20 weeks. VERY rarely does it start so early.

The upside, I still have none of these risk factors, but the downside, previous PIH does increase the risk of future pregnancy PIH. Bummer.

The upside, my B/P at work twice in a row sitting upright in a room full of on-lookers (I was the guinea pig) was under 120/70 (around 116/65ish both times!!!). So the point here is I have a healthy blood pressure right now.

Previous GDM (gestational diabetes): Yeah, I've had this too, but only with Owen and frankly, it very well could've been from the steroid shot the gave me to develop his lungs. The downside: many moms who've had GDM, will have it again with future pregnancies AND go onto have DM later in life-yucko! The upside, I still have my glucometer and yes, I'm a freak-I've started monitoring my blood sugars already and they are PERFECT! Let's talk about FBS (fasting) of 60 and 2hrpp (2 hours after a meal) of around 90-100- wa-who-that rocks.

So, my point is I am healthy as a horse (except that I am big as a horse too with wayyy too much weight on this bod;-( I looked 5 months preggo 2 months ago so imagine me now not caring and letting "it all hang out";-) The 7 week baby is "the size of a marble"....ha, ha, ha...I've got one big marble in there;-)

Last downer: previous cesarean delivery: yes, Owen was born via zipper-ouch! It was not an option. No trial of labor was attempted. He was just taken at 32 weeks due to my severe PIH and his unknown conditions (babies with dwarfism often have spine and neck issues so vag delivery is often contraindicated).

Anyway, there are fabulous stats on how much I shouldn't worry about this aspect as I should have no probs delivering this baby without a cesarean...but one contraindication is very unfortunately if I get it again, I'm guessing I'll end up with a stinkin' repeat cesarean which IS NOT the end of the world, but I know from 2 previous vaginal births, definitely not as easy a recovery-whoa.

So, that's about all I know until I can see my doctor and be officially dated, etc. Please keep the prayers coming and I hope to be really annoying with weekly pregnancy updates, etc.

Don't worry I will still post about Owen, Jake, and TJ and my other antics-but this will be a new thing for me to have fun with..the size of a marble-hhhhmmmppphhh!

And, I know that there are valid concerns that we would choose to have another baby...and that many people especially our family and close friends were very concerned during my last pregnancy-I get that. However, this is a done deal-there's no going back and nothing anyone would've said would've kept us from allowing God's will. I know that's not what some want to hear but for us, it's true and I have complete faith that everything will be ok-really. So please, just support us now.

Also, thanks so much to the NUMEROUS comments on the announcement post-wow! I could tear up at the support you all showed! Thank you!


Jaime said...

Renay, congratulations! So happy for you!

Jennifer said...

Renay, please do not apologize for deciding to have all of your children! It's a wonderful thing and absolutely nobody's business if you decide to have none or ten. You have a wonderful, loving,family and each of your children is gracing the world with their presence! I, for one, can't wait to meet the newest Valiant and I'm keeping you in my prayers each day!

amy f. said...

Thanks for sharing your journey thus far. How neat it must have been to see that "plus" sign. I will definitely be praying for your baby.

Kara Townsend said...

I think the theme song for baby number for is "Voice of Truth" :)
teeheee ..... Repeat those words over and over because in life we hear many voices of others, many opinions, thoughts, etc. But there is only one voice of TRUTH and that is from our Lord! I pray that all of your very loving family will use this opportunity to trust in God and not in the "what ifs" or worry.
You and Tim are amazing parents and this baby is a GIFT from God. Well, actually it's a loan. The Lord is entrusting you with one of His precious children and I KNOW without a doubt that He did not make a mistake by giving you this baby. I'm guessing PINK.....
love you,

Kim said...

Renay-I am bursting at the seams for you! Truly. I cannot imagine four kids (although I am the oldest of four-oh you know what I mean)! Lots of love and prayers

Mari said...

Renay- I am sooo excited for you!! I haven't checked blogs in a while and I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get on here and keep up with the great news!! I think your family is beautiful and will be with one more too!!

Nicole said...

Congrats, Renay! I am so excited for you and your family, and really encouraged by your blood sugars, too. (We diabetics are obsessesive). :-)

Nicole Livengood

Katie said...

I take my hat off to you! I can barely handle my one! lol I will keep you in my prayers and I am secretly (ok not so secretly now) wishing you have an adorable little girl!! Those boys would be so protective over her!!